An Open Letter to @blondeandabackpack

To the account holder of @blondeandabackpack, and to the man behind it, whom we have long counted among our dearest friends:

It is with heavy hearts and steady thumbs that we write to you today. We do so not in anger, nor in haste, but in the solemn recognition that some matters, once left unaddressed, fester—and that silence in the face of injustice is itself a kind of unfollow.

We have long admired @blondeandabackpack. We have admired, privately and on occasion publicly in the form of likes, its consistent and tasteful stewardship of the grid. It was therefore only natural, and indeed an honor, that we should choose to follow it.

And follow it we did.

We have since reviewed the evidence. We have consulted your following list. We have refreshed it. We have closed the application, reopened it, and refreshed it again. We have, in one instance that we would prefer not to discuss further, checked it from a second phone. The findings are unambiguous and are summarized below for the historical record.

We have considered the possibility that this is an oversight. We have considered the possibility that it is not. We wish to be clear that neither possibility comforts us.

For some time, each of us bore this burden alone, in private, telling ourselves that it did not matter, that it was only an app, that grown adults do not keep score. These were lies, and we are done telling them. In the course of an unrelated conversation it emerged that we had both been wronged in precisely the same manner. What began as a shared grievance has since matured into something more durable: a shared resolve.

Accordingly, and after careful deliberation, the undersigned have entered into the following binding agreement, the text of which we reproduce here in full so that there may be no misunderstanding as to its terms or its consequences.

The Treaty of Mutual Follow

1. ART. I

   Establishment

   The Parties hereby establish the McAllister Treaty Organization (hereinafter “the Alliance”), a defensive pact founded upon the principles of friendship, reciprocity, and the basic dignity of the follow.

2. ART. II

   The Principle of Reciprocity

   The Parties affirm that a follow, extended in good faith by a friend, creates a reasonable expectation of return within a reasonable period, said period being defined herein as “whenever he next opens the app.”

3. ART. III

   Strategic Patience

   The Alliance does not seek escalation. All existing follows maintained by the Parties shall remain in place for the duration of diplomatic efforts, as a gesture of goodwill.

4. ART. IV

   Open Door Policy

   Membership in the Alliance shall remain open to any person who follows @blondeandabackpack and has not been followed back. Accession shall occur upon signature of this letter.

5. ARTICLE V · COLLECTIVE DEFENSE

   An unfollow against one of us shall be considered an unfollow against all of us.

   In the event that any member of the Alliance is unfollowed by @blondeandabackpack, each and every other member shall, individually and in concert, take such action as it deems necessary to restore reciprocity, including without limitation:

   1. the immediate and simultaneous unfollowing of the offending account; and
   2. the indefinite suspension of likes.
6. ART. VI

   Proportionality

   The Parties forswear the use of muting, blocking, and “restricting.” We are friends. We are not animals.

The path to peace

We wish to emphasize that this crisis may be resolved swiftly, honorably, and at no cost to either party. The Alliance requests only the following:

In the interest of removing all possible obstacles, we note that the Follow button is blue, is located near the top of each profile, and requires a single tap. We stand ready to provide further technical assistance should it be required, up to and including an in-person demonstration.

Terms of resolution

Upon receipt of the follows, the following sequence of events shall take effect.

1. 1 Day 0 · Follows received

   The Alliance stands down

   All collective defense measures under Article V are suspended, and a probationary period of one (1) year commences.

2. 2 Days 1–365 · Probationary period

   The domain is held in trust

   The Alliance presently holds the domain blondeandabackpack.com. For the duration of the probationary period, the Alliance will retain ownership of the domain but will redirect it to @blondeandabackpack, as a gesture of good faith.

   blondeandabackpack.com → instagram.com/blondeandabackpack
3. 3 Day 365 · Probation concludes

   The domain is transferred

   Upon the successful conclusion of the probationary period, ownership of blondeandabackpack.com will be formally transferred to @blondeandabackpack.

4. ✓ Thereafter

   The matter is closed

   This letter will be archived with gratitude, and the matter will never be spoken of again.

We remain, in friendship and in vigilance,